my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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