best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
