There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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