Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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