Whod you bang
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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