I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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