Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
