the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
