Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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