Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
