My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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