i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
