I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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