I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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