I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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