Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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