i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
