Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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