I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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