I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
