i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
