I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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