There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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