My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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