he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
