My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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