Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
