I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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