Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
