You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
