No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is wine microwaveable?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
