We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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