The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
