and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
