Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
