so that wasnt chicken after all
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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