We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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