Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
