I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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