wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
