I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
