If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize