dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I could fuck to npr.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
