I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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