Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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