when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
