Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
