I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
