why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
