Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just threw up on my dentist
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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