I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize