I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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