i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
