i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
