i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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