I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
