Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
