If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
