just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
