oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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