This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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