I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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