Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
